Little Mermaid Inuyasha Style!
by kagura37
Summary: Little Mermaid, revised and mocked using the Inuyasha characters.
1. Chapter 1

AN: Hello again! ; My computer crashed, so this whole thing was gone. Forever. And Fish-chan never emailed it to me, so I just started over. This will be posted in chapters so if I lose one I'll have the rest and they'll be posted and everything. Points to whoever can guess what the cast formatting is copied from! I don't own ANYTHING, not Inuyasha, not the Little Mermaid, or the various things I stole from, like Finding Nemo, Pirates of the Caribbean, Monty Python and the Holy Grail,

Flame Retardent- Comments and discussions welcome. Corrections expected and are encouraged. All flames will turn on tiny sprinklers in your computer and flood your hard drive.

CAST  
Narrator (an expert)...Kagura  
Eric (a prince)...Miroku  
Grimsby (a handyman)...Hachi  
Announcer (a servant)...Shippou  
King Triton (a king)...Kagome's Grandfather  
Horatio Thelonious Ignatius Crustaceous Sebastian (a servant)...Inuyasha  
Aquata (a daughter)...Mistress Centipede  
Andrina (a daughter)...Kagome  
Arista (a daughter)...Koharu  
Atina (a daughter)...Kanna  
Adella (a daughter)...Yura of the Hair  
Allana (a daughter)...Jaken (he won't be in seashell bras or anything, fear not.)  
Ariel (a heroine)...Sango  
Flounder (a friend)...Kirara  
Shark (an enemy)...Bruce from 'Finding Nemo'  
Scuttle (a seagull)...Sesshoumaru  
Ursula/Vanessa (a sea witch)...Naraku  
Jetsam (a servant)...Jakosu  
Flotsam (a servant)...Bankotsu  
Louis (a cook)...Kikyo  
Priest (a priest)...Kaede

>

Kagura: It's such a pretty boat. Er, ship.

Random Sailor: Hey, that's Captain Jack's line!

Kagura: -beheads him with a gust of wind- Anyone ELSE think that's Captain Jack's line? -silence- Good.

Miroku: Isn't this great? The salty sea air, the wind blowing in your face . . . a perfect day to be at sea!

Hachi: -leaning over the side, hurling- Oh yes...delightful...

Random Sailor: A fine strong wind and a following sea. King Triton must be in a friendly-type mood.

Miroku: King Triton? Who's THAT?

Sailor: Why, ruler of the merpeople, lad. Thought every good sailor knew about him.

Miroku: -gets in his face- YOU CALLING ME A BAD SAILOR? I'M THE PRINCE! I'LL SHOW YOU A BAD SAILOR!

Kagura: Miroku. Chill.

Hachi: Pay no attention to them Eric. Mermaids...honestly.

>

Kagura: And now we're in a stadium. Filled with, um, fish.

Shippou: Why is this weird ruffley thing around my neck?? And why is my voice all high and squeaky?? I don't like this part.

Kagura: ...-shoves script in his face and points to his line

Shippou: Ahem. His royal highness, KING TRITON!

Kagome's Grandfather hereafter known as K.G.: -enters-

Audience: -wild applause and cheering-

Shippou: -starts laughing hysterically- WHAT KIND OF NAME IS THAAAAAT??

Inuyasha: ...just shut up and announce me.

Shippou: And the distinguishing court composer, Horatio Thelonious Ignatius Crustaceous Sebastian!

Inuyasha: -enters-

Audience: -few scattered claps and a cough-

Inuyasha: How come the old guy got a whole ton of applause and I didn't????

K.G.: Because I'm king.

Inuyasha: Well I didn't vote for you.

K.G.: You don't vote for kings.

Inuyasha: Well, how did you become king then?

K.G.: Actually, I'm not sure. Either I'm a god, or my dad was a king.

Kagura: ...Can we move ON?

K.G.: I'm looking forward to this performance, Sebastian.

Inuyasha: -in monotone- oh your majesty this will be the finest performance i have ever conducted. It's also the only one I've ever conducted, so it doesn't really count...

K.G.: Sango-Ariel will be especially spectacular.

Miroku: She'll be the greatest!

Inuyasha: ...you're not even supposed to be here. She does have a lovely voice.

Mistress Centipede (tugging at the seashell bra because she think's it's 'restraining'), Kagome, Koharu (both standing there singing), Kanna (standing there looking at her outfit and wondering what the hell she's doing), Yura of the Hair (trying to decide the easiest way to behead everyone), and Jaken (IN HIS NORMAL CLOTHES, standing there not singing):  
Ah, we are the daughters of Triton.  
Great father who loves us and named us well: Aquata, Andrina, Arista, Atina, Adella, Allana.  
And then there is the youngest in her musical debut,  
Our seventh little sister, we're presenting her to you,  
To sing a song Sebastian wrote, her voice is like a bell,  
She's our sister, Ar-i . . . -Ariel isn't there!-

K.G.: -too busy staring at Mistress Centipede, who has removed the bra )

Kagura: EEWWWWWW perverted old guy! -blows the bra back on with her fan-

Random Merperson: I love how everyone just calls him 'the old guy', like he isn't king or anything.

K.G.: -angry, but because Mistress Centipede's bra's back on, not because Ariel is gone- ARIELLLL!!

>

Kagura: And now, coming up on your left, you will see an old sunken ship-

Random Smartass: Cause, you know, we're not UNDERWATER, so a ship that is here has the option to be not sunken...

Kagura: Shut up. By the way, everyone, Kirara can talk for the purposes of this fic. And don't ask me how a firecat survives underwater. She just DOES.

Kirara: Ariel, wait for me.

Sango: Hurry up!

Kirara: You know I can't swim that fast! Because, yanno, I'm a CAT and I hate water, so I never thought it would be sensible to learn how to swim, much less learn in less then an hour AND keep up with you. Especially while you're a mermaid and have fins and such.

Sango: Maybe there's a REASON firecats don't talk. Look at this gross, rotting ship. Isn't it fantastic?

Kirara: Not really. Can we go now?

Sango: Why, CHICKEN?

Kirara: Course not. It just...

Kagura: I love this line.

Kirara: It just looks...damp...in there.

Sango: We're sort of in an ocean. It's a damp place.

Kirara: And I think I might be coming down with something. Yeah. I'm got this, um, cough. -coughs pathetically-

Sango: All right. I'm going inside. You can just stay here and -watch for sharks. -goes into the ship-

Kirara: Sounds good. Wait. SHARKS? -rushes in after her-

Sango: Good. You're such a kitten.

Kirara: I'm not a kitten! This is great-I mean, I really love this. Excitement, adventure, danger lurking around every corn- -sees SKULL, dramatic chord- KYAHHHHHHHH! ARIEL!

Sango: You alright?

Kirara: Actually, my paw kinda hurts, and my ear is throbbing, and I need air, and my tails-

Sango: -sees a fork- Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Have you ever seen anything so wonderful in your entire life?

Kirara: Um, yeah. That's just a fork.

Sango: SHHHH! THEY don't know that.

Kirara: .............who's 'they'?

Sango: Um...Merpeople? Scuttle will know though.

Bruce: -pacing outside the wreck- Fish are friends, not food. Fish are friends, not food. -sees Ariel and Flounder- -evil grin that he did- Fish are fooood.

Kirara: Sango. Sango, do you HEAR THAT? What's that shadow?

Sango: -picks up a pipe. Not like, a plumbing pipe, but, like, a smoking pipe. - I wonder what this one is...Kirara, chill out. Nothing's gonna happen.

Bruce: -looms up behind them, they both freak out, and run-er, swim- about crazily until Bruce swims into a trap set by Sango- Dammit! Why does this always happen to me?

Kirara: HA! Did you see me? You big bully. THBBBB.

Bruce: -on the phone with his agent- You saw them repressing me, right? You saw it, didn't you?

>

YAY! I wanted to post this in chapters so you can enjoy it more and it will be easier to read...so you wont have to read a bazillion page long fic...especially if you're squeezing for time...yeah. Reviews are nice!


	2. Chapter 2

AN: YAY! Ello. Um, I don't have anything new to say. Oh, and Fish-chan gets points because she is smart and knew that the cast formatting was stolen from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Which I don't own. She also informed me it could also be the tale of two cities, but since I haven't read that yet...yeah. It was RHPS.

I don't own ANYTHING, not Inuyasha, not the Little Mermaid, or the various things I stole from, like Monty Python and the Holy Grail,etc.

Flame Retardent- Comments and discussions welcome. Corrections expected and are encouraged. All flames will turn on tiny sprinklers in your computer and flood your hard drive.

CAST  
Narrator (an expert)...Kagura  
Eric (a prince)...Miroku  
Grimsby (a handyman)...Hachi  
Announcer (a servant)...Shippou  
King Triton (a king)...Kagome's Grandfather  
Horatio Thelonious Ignatius Crustaceous Sebastian (a servant)...Inuyasha  
Aquata (a daughter)...Mistress Centipede  
Andrina (a daughter)...Kagome  
Arista (a daughter)...Koharu  
Atina (a daughter)...Kanna  
Adella (a daughter)...Yura of the Hair  
Allana (a daughter)...Jaken (he won't be in seashell bras or anything, fear not.)  
Ariel (a heroine)...Sango  
Flounder (a friend)...Kirara  
Shark (an enemy)...Bruce from 'Finding Nemo'  
Scuttle (a seagull)...Sesshoumaru  
Ursula/Vanessa (a sea witch)...Naraku  
Jetsam (a servant)...Jakosu  
Flotsam (a servant)...Bankotsu  
Max (a pet)...Kouga  
Louis (a cook)...Kikyo  
Priest (a priest)...Kaede

>

Sesshoumaru: No.

Kagura: PLEEEASE?

Sesshoumaru: No. A bunny was bad. Maleficent was the best part ever. But there is no way. Under NO circumstances. Ever. Am I, Sesshoumaru going to play a seagull.

Kagura: I was afraid of this. -takes a deep breath- okaytherealreasonweneedyoutoplaytheseagulisbecauseRinisbeingheldhostagebymassmurdererswith...um...straws...andnobodybutyoucansaveherbutsincewe'retryingtoputonthisplaytheonlythingIcoulddowasassigntheroleoftheseagulltoyoubecauseintheendtheseagullsavesRinsoyou'retheseagull.andIthinkitsdumbyoustillusetheI,Sesshoumarusentencepattern.

Sesshoumaru: ...

Kagura: PLEEEASE?

Sesshoumaru: My innate acting skills should be put to better use...

Sango: -swims up- Hey, can you tell me what this is? -holds up the fork-

Sesshoumaru: Ningen stuff? I, Sesshoumaru, should not even be near it. It is a fork.

Kagura: Innate acting skills. Yeah.

Sesshoumaru: I will now share some information about the fork that is totally unreliable and wrong.

Sango: Oh, that makes sense. What about this? -holds up pipe-

Sesshoumaru: Oh, more completely useless and false information about what humans use things for.

Sango: Thanks. And you made me remember that I was supposed to be in a concert, and now I will leave to give my father a chance to kill me.

Sesshoumaru: Sounds good.

>

Kagura: -mysterious voice- But little did she know, the sea witch's servants were watching her...and what they saw, she saw.

Everyone: ...

Kagura: Shush.

Naraku: -sighs- Yeeeeeees, hurry home, princess. We wouldn't want to miss old daddy's celebration, now, would we? Huh! Celebration indeed. Bah! In MY day, we had fantastical feasts when I lived in the palace -gestures to pictures of him and three other people with a gourmet food table that only has about three meager dishes on it. And now, look at me - wasted away to practically nothing -gestures to his EXTENSIVE waist-, banished and exiled and practically starving -gestures to table upon table of gourmet food-, while he and his flimsy fish-folk celebrate.

Everyone: ......

Naraku: Well, I still want the palace.

>

Kagura: Now we get to watch this well-rehearsed arguement.

K.G.: I just don't know what I'm going to do with you. I never have problems with your other sisters...

Sango: REALLY, now.

K.G.: Well...

Sango: -ticks off on her fingers- Mistress Centipede is totally evil and doesn't even have proper skin, and doesn't know what clothes are. Kagome's failing school because she's off galavanting in the Feudal Era, Koharu goes after men like 6 years older then her, Kanna steals souls, Yura beheads men to steal their hair, and Jaken isn't even a girl and takes orders from a seagull.

Sesshoumaru: I, Sesshoumaru, am NOT a seagull.

Sango: You have more problems with my other sisters then me.

K.G.: Well, maybe, but I'm still going to yell at you. Your behavior was careless and reckless.

Sango: Aren't those kinda the same thing?

K.G.: ....no.

Sango: Reckless: Adjective 1. a. Heedless or careless. It's even in the DEFINITION.

K.G.: I'm not sure I like you too much.

Kirara: It wasn't even her fault. Ah - well - first, ahh, this shark chased us - yeah - yeah! And we tried to - but we couldn't - and - grrrrrrrrr - and - and we - whoooaaaaaa - oh, and then we were safe. But then this seagull came, and it was this is this, and that is that, and -

K.G.: Seagull? Ha, more incriminating evidence. You went up on the surface again!

Sango: -glares at Kirara-

Kirara: Oh, heheh, did I say she did? It was one of those...um...swimming underwater seagulls....yeah...that crazy inbreeding?

K.G.: -glare at Sango- How dare you. Tsk.

Sango: Nothing...happened...

Miroku: -pops his head in- You know, that line alone knowing she was getting in trouble, you could assume some pretty interesting things...

Everyone: YOU. Only YOU would assume that. Besides, you aren't in this scene.

K.G.: Do you think I want to see my youngest daughter snared by some fisheater's hook?

Sango: You just said you didn't like me...

K.G.: Never go up to the surface again.

Sango: Alright. For some unknown reason, that makes me cry hysterically, so I'll leave now. -she and Kirara leave-

>

Inuyasha: -le sigh- Teenagers...they think they know everything...give them an inch and they swim all over you... Why, if Ariel was my daughter, I'd show her who was boss. None of this "flitting to the surface" and other such nonsense. No, sir - I'd keep her under tight control. I hate this part.

K.G.: You're absolutely right.

Inuyasha: Of course I am.

K.G.: Ariel needs constant supervision.

Inuyasha: Constant!

K.G.: And you are JUST the crab to watch over her.

Inuyasha: Dammit!

>

Kagura: Now he's walking down a thingy away from the castle talking to himself...schizo now, are we?

Inuyasha: No!

Kagura: Admitting it is the first step. He sees Ariel and Flounder sneaking away and decides to follow. They end up in a cave filled with loads of human stuffs.

Kirara: Are you ok?

Sango: If only he understood...I don't see how a world that makes such wonderful things -gestures to around her- can be bad. I'm not singing, you can't make me.

Kagura: Ok.

Sango: Really? I don't have to?

Kagura: Nah.

Sango: ...Well, I guess I could sing a LITTLE...  
Look at this stuff  
Isn't it neat?  
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?  
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl  
The girl who has ev'rything?  
Look at this trove  
Treasures untold  
How many wonders can one cavern hold?  
Lookin' around here you'd think  
Sure, she's got everything

Kagura: Reverse psychology. Works every time. Sebastian has been struggling around and falling over stuff and crashing into things and ruckasing about and making a lot of noise and-

Army from Monty Python: GET ON WITH IT!

Kagura: Right.

Sango: Sebastian?

Inuyasha: Are you MAD? Am I all of a sudden British? Or Australian? What is all this stuff?

Sango: In order, no, no, no, and my collection.

Inuyasha: Your collection, eh? ARRGH, am I Canadian too now? Do you know what your father would do if he knew about this?!

Sango: Jeez, is someone full of questions. In order, yes, no, you're japanese, and I try not to think about it.

Inuyasha: You know, most of these questions are rhetorical.

Sango: You aren't gonna tell my father, are you?He won't understand.

Inuyasha: I might, but let me act all nice.

Boat: -passes overhead-

Sango: Oooh, pretty. Lemme go find out what it is!

Kirara: Can you say easily distracted?

>

YAY! To be continued.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Oh.my.god. I am sooo sorry I haven't updated in like 3589703789657056 years. ; Yes. That many. But I shall work harder next time. ...maybe...

Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING, not Inuyasha, not the Little Mermaid, or the various things I stole from. There weren't really any I saw in this part, but just in case I just didn't catch them, I own NOTHING. I also don't own my friend Kacey, who makes a guest appearance. I do own myself, Whitney.

Flame Retardent- Comments and discussions welcome. Corrections expected and are encouraged. All flames will turn on tiny sprinklers in your computer and flood your hard drive.

CAST  
Narrator (an expert)...Kagura  
Eric (a prince)...Miroku  
Grimsby (a handyman)...Hachi  
Announcer (a servant)...Shippou  
King Triton (a king)...Kagome's Grandfather  
Horatio Thelonious Ignatius Crustaceous Sebastian (a servant)...Inuyasha  
Aquata (a daughter)...Mistress Centipede  
Andrina (a daughter)...Kagome  
Arista (a daughter)...Koharu  
Atina (a daughter)...Kanna  
Adella (a daughter)...Yura of the Hair  
Allana (a daughter)...Jaken (he won't be in seashell bras or anything, fear not.)  
Ariel (a heroine)...Sango  
Flounder (a friend)...Kirara  
Shark (an enemy)...Bruce from 'Finding Nemo'  
Scuttle (a seagull)...Sesshoumaru  
Ursula/Vanessa (a sea witch)...Naraku  
Jetsam (a servant)...Jakosu  
Flotsam (a servant)...Bankotsu  
Max (a pet)...Kouga  
Louis (a cook)...Kikyo  
Priest (a priest)...Kaede

>

Kagura: Sango surfaces to find a boat. Er, ship. The same one from the beginning. Yeah. There are fireworks. And...um...yesh. Sango somehow manages to be hanging out of the window, in perfect view of everything that happens. Naturally.

Kouga: Obviously I can smell her.

Sango: Why? ARE YOU SAYNG I SMELL BAD?

Miroku: He's my DOG?

Kouga: I'm his DOG?

Kagura: He's your dog. You're his dog. Yay.

Kouga: I hate you.

Miroku: This is hilarious. Max, here boy. Hey, come on, mutt, whatcha doing, huh Max? Good boy.

Kouga: ...Hate. Hate.

Sango: I've never seen a human this close before. He's...not saying it.

Kagura: Ok.

Sango: FINE. I'll SAY it.

Kagura: Yay for reverse psychology.

Sango: He's so beautiful.

Miroku: O.O OMG. FINALLY. YOU SEE IT. -cheers-

Sango: -.-;;

Sesshoumaru: -looking at Kouga- I dunno, he looks kind of hairy and slobbery to me...

Kouga: I AM NOT HAIRY AND SLOBBERY.

Kagura: You kind of are.

Inuyasha: Yeah. Not to mention dirty. And in this fic, Kouga, GUESS WHAT YOU ARE? YOU'RE A MUTT. -gloats- Mutt mutt mutt.

Kagura: Shh.

Sango: I wasn't talking about that one.

Kouga: 'THAT ONE'? I have a name.

Sango: I was talking about the one with the so-called 'snarfblat'.

Everyone: ...huh?

Sango: The one smoking up. Honestly, that shouldn't be in kids' movies. Setting bad examples. DON'T SMOKE, KIDS.

Kagura: Oh, please, they don't even know what it is. From the information earlier, they think it's an instrument.

Sango: ...-.-;

Hachi: Silence! Silence! It is now my honour and privilege to present our esteemed Prince Eric with a very special, very expensive, very large birthday present.

Miroku: That's the best news I've heard all day. What is it, what is it? Special...expensive...large...IT'S A HAREM!

Hachi: -shock- NO! -large, gaudy statue of Miroku is revealed- I had hoped it would be a WEDDING present...but nooo...the entire kingdom wants to see you happily settled down with the right girl.

Miroku: Hach, don't start. You know I'll marry anyone.

Kagura: -glare-

Miroku: Erm, I mean, she's out there somewhere. I just - I just haven't found her yet. WOW! I have some semblance of morals in this story!

Hachi: Well. You should look harder.

Miroku: Looking is good. Feeling is better. -coy glance at Sango-

Sango: -glares at him- You don't know I'm here, RIGHT?

Miroku: Oh. Right. -slight pause- And you want to know what's even BETTER?

Everyone: NO!

Miroku: Ah well. Perhaps later. Believe me, Hach, when I find her I'll know - without a doubt. It'll just - bam! - hit me - like lightning.

Kagura: Great, now you've jinxed it. By movie LAW, I have to start a huge storm now. -snaps fingers, and huge storm strikes.-

Sailor: Hurricane a'commin'! Stand fast! Secure the riggin'!

Kagura: And the wind blows Scuttle away from the ledge.

Sesshoumaru: -as he flys away- Damn youuuuuu!

Kagura: And lightning strikes the boat, starting a fire.

Miroku: It was a figure of speech, damnit!

Kagura: Oooh looky what I can do! -ship crashes- Everyone on the boat is thrown overboard. Except for Max.

Kouga: HAHA, superior survivial skills! -starts to dance about happily-

Kagura: Who, apparently, has forgotten that THE SHIP IS ON FIRE.

Kouga: The ship! The ship is on fire! We don't need no water, let the motherf-

Kagura: Ahem.

Kouga: -er burn!

Miroku: NO, you idiot, the ship is REALLY ON FIRE.

Kouga: ...shit.

Kagura: Prince Eric goes back onto the ship to save his dog-

Miroku fangirls: AWWWWWWWWWWWWW, how sweet.

Kagura: -and gets Max off the ship-

Kouga: I can't swim!

Kagura: -but is trapped-

Miroku: Shoot!

Kagura: CAN'T I FRICKING TELL A STORY WITHOUT BEING INTERRUPTED EVERY OTHER SECOND?

Miroku fangirls, Kouga, and Miroku: ..sorry.

Ship: -explodes-

Kagura: On beach. Ariel is sitting next to an unconscious Eric.

Sango: Is he dead?

Sessoumaru: EW,ew,ew,ew. Not touching the ningen. What if he actually IS DEAD? I don't wanna touch a dead person! ewwwww.

Kagura: Hmm. Kind of a wuss, ne?

Sesshoumaru: -checks his pulse and opens an eye- I dunno. How am I supposed to tell if he's dead or not? I think he's gone. Um, how are we supposed to move on with the story if he's dead?

Kagura: Use your brain.

Sesshoumaru: -there is a very, very long pause- Er...

Kagura: Oh my god. You're kinda REALLY STUPID.

Sesshoumaru: OHHHHHH. -takes out Tenseiga-

Kagura: -hits herself in head- ugh.

Sesshoumaru: I probably should have gotten that sooner.

Miroku: -sits up- YEAH, YA SHOULD HAVE.

Sango: -shoves him back down- YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD.

Miroku: Not dead.

Sango: Not CONSCIOUS.

Miroku: -pause- Ok, you're right. Now you have to say your next line.

Sango: No I don't.

Kagura: -glares-

Sango: mmmph.

Kacey: -pops in- C'mon, you're not committing to anything, and you HAVE to admit he's gorgeous.

Miroku: -sits up again- Yeah! See, she knows what she's talking about. What's your name, miss?

Kacey: San-san!

Sango: ...

Miroku: Ah. Lovely name. If I could...-takes her hand- Would you kindly consider bearing my child?

Kacey: YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS! -glomps him-

Whitney: SHE'S FOURTEEN. -grabs Kacey and hauls her out of the picture- -mutters toward Miroku- Sicko.

Miroku: Aww.

Sango: Wellll, since he isn't cooperating, I CAN'T go on. -nods-

Miroku: -lies back down-

Sango: Damn. -mutters- isn'thebeautiful.

Miroku: HA I KNEW IT!

Sango: You're still unconscious!

Miroku: Ok!

Sango: -sigh- What would I give  
To live where you are?  
What would I pay  
To stay here beside you?  
What would I do to see you  
Smiling at me?  
Where would we walk?  
Where would we run?  
If we could stay all day in the sun?  
Just you and me  
And I could be  
Part of your world.

Kagura: -sighs happily- I love when they sing without arguement. Kouga and Hachi are coming.

Sango: GOOD, I get to get away from him. -hurries back into the ocean and swims away-

>

AN: YAYY. Ok. -starts to work furiously on the next chapter- I love reviews. -nods-


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING, not Inuyasha, not the Little Mermaid, or the various things I stole from, like Lord of the Rings. I also don't own my friend Kacey, who makes another guest appearance.

Flame Retardent- Comments and discussions welcome. Corrections expected and are encouraged. All flames will turn on tiny sprinklers in your computer and flood your hard drive.

CAST  
Narrator (an expert)...Kagura  
Eric (a prince)...Miroku  
Grimsby (a handyman)...Hachi  
Announcer (a servant)...Shippou  
King Triton (a king)...Kagome's Grandfather  
Horatio Thelonious Ignatius Crustaceous Sebastian (a servant)...Inuyasha  
Aquata (a daughter)...Mistress Centipede  
Andrina (a daughter)...Kagome  
Arista (a daughter)...Koharu  
Atina (a daughter)...Kanna  
Adella (a daughter)...Yura of the Hair  
Allana (a daughter)...Jaken (he won't be in seashell bras or anything, fear not.)  
Ariel (a heroine)...Sango  
Flounder (a friend)...Kirara  
Shark (an enemy)...Bruce from 'Finding Nemo'  
Scuttle (a seagull)...Sesshoumaru  
Ursula/Vanessa (a sea witch)...Naraku  
Jetsam (a servant)...Jakosu  
Flotsam (a servant)...Bankotsu  
Max (a pet)...Kouga  
Louis (a cook)...Kikyo  
Priest (a priest)...Kaede

Kagura: Look. It's Eric. He just woke up after washing up on shore, Ariel just left, and now Grimbsy and Max are there. w00t.

Hachi: Eric! Oh, Eric. You really delight in these sadistic strains on my blood pressure, don't you?

Kacey: MIROKU'S A SADIST!1! I knew it. -pause- Wait. He's supposed to be the MASOCHIST. Sango and Miroku...S&M...Miroku's not _supossed_ to be a sadist...

Kagura: Try, uh, reading too much into things?

Sango: And I am NOT a sadist. OR a masochist.

Kacey: -sticks out tongue-

Kagura: -rolls eyes- ANYWAYS...

Miroku: But I was rescued by this girl...she had a gorgeous voice...and two nice, perfect, round-

Sango: MIROKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Miroku: -eyes. )

Sango: -glare-

Miroku: -blinks innocently-

Hachi: We've gotta get you to bed.

Kacey: -opens her mouth-

Kagura: -glares-

Kacey: But...but...too good of an oppurtunity to miss!

Kagura: No.

Kacey: Fine. -settles for making a Miroku plushie and Sango plushie do obscene things to each other in the corner-

Hachi: Off to the castle.

Kagura:And now we're at a rock. Yay.

Inuyasha: -talking to himself- We just gotta forget this whole thing ever happened. The sea king will never know. You won't tell him, I won't tell him. I will stay in one piece.

Kacey: Schizo.

Inuyasha: We are NOT schizophrenic, are we, precioussss?

Sango: -gives him a weird look- Right. I'm going to start singing spontaneously again.  
I don't know when  
I don't know how  
But I know something's starting right now  
Watch and you'll see  
Some day I'll be  
Part of your world.

Kagura: As she's singing and Sebastian is continuing his schizophrenic tendencies, Flotsam and Jetsam are still stalking her. Don't you two have anything better to do?

Jakotsu: Not ethpecially.

Kagura: Right. Cut to Ursula's chamber.

Naraku: I say no an unnecessary amount of times, inform you that Ariel is in love with Eric, as if you didn't already know, and then start talking about a garden. Am I ever confusing.

Kagura: Aaaaaand now to the castle and the daughter's dressing room.

Kagome: Sango. You've been in there forever. I need to...I dunno. Come out.

Sango: Um, alright. -come out humming to herself-

Kanna: -unenthusiastically- what is with her lately.

Sango: -passing Triton- Morning, Daddy.

Kagome: Oh, she's got it bad!

K.G.: What? What has she got?

Kagome: Isn't it obvious? Ariel's in love.

K.G.: Ariel? In love?

Kagome: ...that's what I just said...

Kagura: Now we're at some random rock. And Sebastian is, surprise surprise, TALKING TO HIMSELF. AGAIN.

Inuyasha: Waiii. I'm not a fricking schizo.

Kagura: Say your next line.

Inuyasha: O.K. So far, so good. I don't think the king knows. But it will not be easy keeping something like this a secret for long.

Kagura: Who were you talking to?

Inuyasha: -glares- I don't know. -coughs-GOLLUM.GOLLUM.-coughs-

Kagura: ...

Inuyasha: I'm not a schizo! I don't know why I said that. GOLLUM!

authoress whimpers

Kagura: Shhh, you're scaring the writer away. She hates Gollum. And Smeagol.

Inuyasha: I'm not Gollum or Smeagol. I don't know why I'm coughing like that. GOLLUM, GOLLUM.

Sango: -picking petals off a flower-

Random smartass: Where'd she get a flower like that underwater?

Kagura: Shhh. When you read too much into these, your head hurts.

Sango: He loves me...hmmm, he loves me not...-gets to last petal- He loves me! I knew it! I don't know why I care! Cause I don't like him!

Inuyasha: Ariel, stop talking crazy. That was the actual line, and in this it is in regard to you following that stupid flower tradtion, and to you denying you're in love with Miroku.

Person who started the stupid flower tradition: Heeeeeyyyy...

Inuyasha: ...Seriously. If you want to know if the person likes you, just ASK them.

Kagura: Coming from you, Inuyasha, that makes NO sense, Mr. It's-Obvious-To-Everyone-But-You-And-Kagome-That-You-Two-Are-In-Love-But-Still-Deny-It.

Inuyasha: I don't love Kagome. I don't even LIKE her. She's just a jewel shard detector! -getting worked up- Really! I have no emotional attachment to her whatsoever!

Kagome: Sit boy.

Inuyasha: mmmrph.

Sango: Can we call attention back to me? I have to see him. Scuttle knows where he lives.

Kagura: Man, people just love to stalk others in this movie, eh?

Sesshoumaru: No. I'm not a stalker.

Sango: I'll swim up to his castle. Then Flounder will splash around to get his attention, and then with -

Inuyasha: Ha, Sebastian finally gets something right: Ariel - listen to me. The human world - it's a mess.

Kagura: He relates to the mermaids. They're both half something and half something else. Aww.

Inuyasha: Shut up. Ariel, life under the sea is better for you than anything they got up there. You're a mermaid. I'm not singing.

Kagura: Fine. -plays the 'Under The Sea' part from the movie on fast forward. With the sound on, so everyone sounds like the adults in Peanuts only high-pitched-

Everyone watching: -giggles uncontrollably-

Sango: -is disappeared!1!-

Inuyasha: Aw, gee. We've got to nail her fins to the floor. -pause- Ouch. That would hurt.

Shippou: Hey, guy with the funny name, I have a message for you from the king. It's urgent.

Inuyasha: The sea king?

Shippou: NO, the other five kings I work for. Of course the sea king. He wants to talk to you-something about Ariel.

Inuyasha: He knows, precious, he knows!

A/N: Yayy. I worked on it! Heh. I'd do review replies or something, but I'm too lazy. I hope you enjoyed this! I'd love some reviews. )

Love!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING, not Inuyasha, not the Little Mermaid, or anything I stole from.

Flame Retardent- Comments and discussions welcome. Corrections expected and are encouraged. All flames will turn on tiny sprinklers in your computer and flood your hard drive.

CAST  
Narrator (an expert)...Kagura  
Eric (a prince)...Miroku  
Grimsby (a handyman)...Hachi  
Announcer (a servant)...Shippou  
King Triton (a king)...Kagome's Grandfather  
Horatio Thelonious Ignatius Crustaceous Sebastian (a servant)...Inuyasha  
Aquata (a daughter)...Mistress Centipede  
Andrina (a daughter)...Kagome  
Arista (a daughter)...Koharu  
Atina (a daughter)...Kanna  
Adella (a daughter)...Yura of the Hair  
Allana (a daughter)...Jaken (he won't be in seashell bras or anything, fear not.)  
Ariel (a heroine)...Sango  
Flounder (a friend)...Kirara  
Shark (an enemy)...Bruce from 'Finding Nemo'  
Scuttle (a seagull)...Sesshoumaru  
Ursula/Vanessa (a sea witch)...Naraku  
Jetsam (a servant)...Jakosu  
Flotsam (a servant)...Bankotsu  
Max (a pet)...Kouga  
Louis (a cook)...Kikyo  
Priest (a priest)...Kaede

NOTE: _Rene Auberjonois_ was the voice of _Louis the chef_ in the movie.

Kagura: In the throne room. Now Triton is a schizo. Sheesh.

K.G.: Let's see, now. . . . Oh, who could the lucky merman be?

Inuyasha: Ahem.

K.G.: Oh. Come in, Sebastian.

Inuyasha: I'm already in.

K.G.: Oh. Alright.

Inuyasha: -to himself in a low voice- We mustn't overreact. We must remain calm, precious.

authoress whimpers again

Inuyasha: YES- -voice was about 5 octaves higher than normal, every glass object in the immediate vicinity shatters- Erm...-voice back to normal-Yes, your majesty?

K.G.: Now, Sebastian, I'm concerned about Ariel. Have you noticed she's been acting peculiar lately?

Inuyasha: Peculiar?

K.G.: You know, moaning about, daydreaming, singing to herself. I'm afraid she's catching our schizophrenic personalities.

Kagura: Schizophrenia is definitely not contagious.

K.G.: Anyways, Sebastian, I know you've been hiding something from me.

Inuyasha: Hiding something?

K.G.: About Ariel?

Inuyasha: Ariel?

K.G.: In love?

Inuyasha: Love?

K.G.: Why are you just repeating everything I say?

Inuyasha: Repeating?...oops...I guess I was. Anyways, I tried to stop her, sir, but she wouldn't listen. I told her to stay away from-

Kagura: Freudian slip time.

Inuyasha: -Humans, they are bad, they are trouble, they smell, they dog-ear library books, they don't return calls, they have dandruff-

Everyone: o.O You know you're half human, right?

Inuyasha: ...shut up.

K.G.: Humans? WHAT ABOUT HUMANS?

Inuyasha: Humans? -laughs nervously- Who said anything about humans?

Kagura: -plays a clip that shows Inuyasha-

Clip!Inuyasha: -Humans, they are bad, they are trouble, they smell, they dog-ear library books, they don't return calls, they have dandruff-

Inuyasha: Oh. I guess I did.

Kagura: Ariel and Flounder entering that cave. Yay.

Sango: Flounder, why can't you just tell me what this is all about?

Kirara: Can't. It's a surprise.

Sango: -sees that statue of Eric- Wow, this really makes me wonder if it was disneytic liscense and the statue just, yanno, HAPPENED to fall RIGHT HERE...or if "Flounder" dragged it here. That's an interesting picture. Anyway...Flounder, you're the best! It looks just like him! Considering it's a statue OF HIM, that doesn't suprise me. It even has his eyes.

Everyone: -gets a weird mental picture of Miroku stumbling around with empty eye sockets and the statue with real!eyes- ...oO

Sango: And now I talk to the statue. At least I'm not talking to MYSELF like certain OTHERS in this production.

K.G.: -appears- Boo!

Sango: Ahhh.

K.G.: I consider myself a reasonable merman. I set certain rules, and I expect those rules to be obeyed.

Sango: Congratulations?

K.G.: Is it true you rescued a human from drowing?

Sango: No...

K.G.: Really?

Sango: No. )

K.G.: Contact between the human world and the mer-world is strictly forbidden. Ariel, you know that! Everyone knows that!

Sango: Actually, I didn't know that. -to Flounder- Did you know that?

Kirara: I didn't know that.

Inuyasha: Me neither.

Random Sailor: Me neither.

Fish that was caught and released at beginning of film: Me neither.

Triton's aunt's second cousin's wife twice removed: Me neither.

Guy who gets _Rene Auberjonois_ coffee: Me neither.

K.G.: Shut up. It is.

Everyone: Oh.

Sango: But he would have died!

K.G.: One less human to worry about!

Sango: You don't even know him!

Random person: Uh, you don't either.

Sango: ...You're right!

K.G.: Anyway, I don't have to know him. They're all the same. Spineless, savage, harpooning, fish-eaters, incapable of any feeling-

Authoress: -butts in- Not all humans eat fish. I hate seafood.

Inuyasha: I like those adjectives. I didn't include 'spineless' or 'savage'...

Sango: I love him!

All the Miroku-Sango fangirls: YAYYYYYYYYYY!1!11!1one!

K.G.: Have you lost your senses completely? He's a human, you're a mermaid!

Sango: I don't care!

Miroku: -being lecherous- I kinda do. I'm not that sure about mermaid anatomy.

Kagura: That was unnecessary. You need to stop butting into these scenes.

K.G.: -starts blasting apart everything in her cave-

Sango: Aw, darn. -cries-

K.G.: Oops, I made her cry. Woe is me. -leaves-

Inuyasha: Attempt at comforting.

Sango: Denied and shot down. Go away.

Jakotsu and Bankotsu: -appear-

Bankotsu: Poor child.

Jakotsu: Poor, thweet child. She hath-

Kagure: Heeey...hath...as has...maybe people in the old days just had lisps!

Jakotsu: -a very therious problem.

Bankotsu: If only there was something we could do.

Jakotsu: But there IS thomething.

Sango: Who the eff are you two freaks?

Bankotsu: Don't be scared.

Jakotsu: We reprethent...

Bankotsu and Jakotsu: -jump into song and dance- THE LOLLIPOP GUILD! THE LOLLIPOP GUILD! THE LOLLIPOP GUILD! WE REPRESENT, THE LOLLIPOP GUILD! AND THE AUTHOR DOESN'T KNOW THE REST OF THE SONG AND IS TOO LAZY TO LOOK IT UP!

Everyone watching: -greatly disturbed- Thank goodness for that.

Jakotsu: Anyway, I meant to thay 'thomeone who can help you'

Bankotsu: Someone who could make all your dreams come true.

Jakotsu: Jutht imagine...

Bankotsu: You and your prince...

Jakotsu: Together, forever...

Sango: ...huh?

Jakotsu: Urthula hath great powerth.

Sango: The sea witch? Hmm...I mean, uh, I couldn't possibly. Go away.

Bankotsu: Suit yourself.

Jakotsu: It wath only a thuggethtion.

Kagura: "Suggestion"

Jakotsu: -nonchalantly and 'accidentally' flicks the face of the statue, which broke perfectly.-

Sango: Waiiiiiiiit...

Bankotsu and Jakotsu: Yeeeeeeeeees? -leer creepily-

AN: We'll end there. You got two in a row. I hope you are all happy. I was suddenly inspired to start really, really working on it again, so...yay! Hope you liked it. A review telling me you did would make me very glad. )


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING, not Inuyasha, not the Little Mermaid, or the various things I stole from, like Lord of the Rings kinda, the Rocky Horror Picture Show, That 70's Show, the book _Thirsty_, and Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Thanks to Meredith for filling in the blank.

Warning: There is slash. Because Eric is Miroku, and Ursula is Naraku. That's just the way it works out.

Flame Retardent- Comments and discussions welcome. Corrections expected and are encouraged. All flames will turn on tiny sprinklers in your computer and flood your hard drive.

CAST  
Narrator (an expert)...Kagura  
Eric (a prince)...Miroku  
Grimsby (a handyman)...Hachi  
Announcer (a servant)...Shippou  
King Triton (a king)...Kagome's Grandfather  
Horatio Thelonious Ignatius Crustaceous Sebastian (a servant)...Inuyasha  
Aquata (a daughter)...Mistress Centipede  
Andrina (a daughter)...Kagome  
Arista (a daughter)...Koharu  
Atina (a daughter)...Kanna  
Adella (a daughter)...Yura of the Hair  
Allana (a daughter)...Jaken (he won't be in seashell bras or anything, fear not.)  
Ariel (a heroine)...Sango  
Flounder (a friend)...Kirara  
Shark (an enemy)...Bruce from 'Finding Nemo'  
Scuttle (a seagull)...Sesshoumaru  
Ursula/Vanessa (a sea witch)...Naraku  
Jetsam (a servant)...Jakosu  
Flotsam (a servant)...Bankotsu  
Max (a pet)...Kouga  
Louis (a cook)...Kikyo  
Priest (a priest)...Kaede

Kagura: Soooo, when we last left off, Flotsam and Jetsam were talking to Ariel right after King Triton blew up all her stuff. And I want some Oreos.

Everyone: ...

Kagura: Whaaat? Anyway. Right outside the cave, since Ariel had had a fit and sent her two friends away, Sebastian and Flounder are sitting. That was awful sentence structure.

Kirara: Poor Ariel.

Inuyasha: We didn't mean to tell, precious, it was an accident.

Everyone: Suuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre.

Inuyasha: It WAS! And why are you making me us talk like this?

Kagura: To better enforce how schizophrenic you are.

Inuyasha: -glare-

Kagura: Suddenly, Ariel comes out of the cave, following Flotsam and Jetsam.

Inuyasha: Where are you going? What are you doing with this riff-raff, precious?

Jakotsu: ExcTHUSE me, thithter. We are _not_ -snaps his fingers- riff-raff.

Riff-Raff from RHPS: ...Hello.

Everyone: -blinks-

Riff-Raff: ...You're wet.

Jakotsu: Yeth. We're underwater.

Riff-Raff: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeees...Well...I've got to go...things to do...sisters to kiss...

Everyone: You're creepy!

Inuyasha: o.O; Agreed. -to Sango- Never mind. Go ahead. Go with them.

Sango: Cool.

Inuyasha: Wait, where are you going?

Sango: To see Ursula.

Inu-chan: -looks at his name, then up at Kagura- ...SINCE WHEN ARE WE CALLED INU-CHAN?

Kagura: Since I got tired of typing 'Inuyasha' all the time cause I always mistype it.

Inu-chan: -glares- Anyway, you can't. She's bad.

Sango: Well, why don't you go tell my father? You're good at that.

Kelso from That 70's Show: **BURN!**

Kagura: Ariel swims away with Flotsam and Jetsam. Sebastian and Flounder follow. And I REALLY, REALLY want some Oreos.

Everyone: Then EAT SOME OREOS.

Kagura: -pouts- We don't have any. Dun dun DUUUUUN. Cave. Ewww. And now we're in a quote, unquote "garden" of those creepy soul things. Yanno, now that I remember this part, it might have been better for Kikyo to be Ursula. But she needs to try to kill Inu-chan and not try to seduce Miroku. It's more fun if _Naraku_ seduces Miroku.

Naraku and Miroku: ...WHAT?

Kagura: Heh heh heh. -rubs hands together evilly-

Naraku and Miroku: I hate you.

Kagura: I know. So, Sango gets sidetracked in the "garden" of souls.

Naraku: Come in. Come in, my child. We mustn't lurk in doorways - it's rude. One MIGHT question your upbringing...

People reading: Oh, man, we can feel the dripping sarcasm all the way from here.

Naraku: Now, then. You're here because you have a thing for this human. This, er, prince fellow. Not that I blame you - he is quite a catch, isn't he?

Miroku: Oh god. -blanch-

Naraku: Well, angel fish-

Sango: You did NOT just use an endearing nickname on me.

Naraku: Well, honey-

Sango: -growls-

Naraku: Well, sugar-

Sango: -implodes- DON'T CALL ME SUGAR. OR HONEY.

Miroku: He should have known better than to call her a condiment. You have to earn the right to call Sango a condiment.

Naraku: Well, the solution to your problem is simple. The only way to get what you want - is to become a human yourself.

Sango: -blinks- How painfully OBVIOUS that is. However, I lack the ability to DO that. That would be why I came to you in the first place.

Naraku: Cause that's what I do. I help poor unfortunate merfolk, like you, even though I'm not sure why I care. Meh. I don't wanna sing.

Kagura: Pleeeease? We go through this EVERY PARODY. Is it my fault that most Disney movies have a lot of singing in them? No. There aren't many ways you can parody someone not wanting to sing, people. Give me a break.

Naraku: -le sigh-  
I admit that in the past I've been a nasty

Sango: As opposed to just plain nasty.

Naraku:  
They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch.

Sango: ...Maybe it's the fact that you cast spells.

Naraku:  
But you'll find that nowadays  
I've mended all my ways  
Repented, seen the light and made a switch

Sango: You found...Jesus.

Naraku: No, Jesus. Pronounced Hay-Zoose. -pause- Jesus's neglected twin brother.

Sango: -blinks- Riiiiiight.

Naraku:  
And I fortunately know a little magic  
It's a talent that I always have possessed

Sango: Which would be WHY people called you a witch.

Naraku:  
And here lately, please don't laugh 

Everyone watching/reading/whatever you people are doing: -LAUGHS-

Naraku: Shove it, losers.  
I use it on behalf  
Of the miserable, lonely and depressed (Pathetic)  
Poor unfortunate souls  
In pain  
In need  
This one longing to be thinner 

Sango: Then why don't you use it on YOURSELF? -looks away quickly and whistles innocently- Did _I_ say that?

Naraku:  
That one wants to get the girl  
And do I help them?  
Yes, indeed   
Those poor unfortunate souls  
So sad  
So true  
They come flocking to my cauldron  
Crying, "Spells, Ursula please!"   
And I help them? Yes, I do  
Now it's happened once or twice 

Sango: Judging from this sadistic little garden of yours, more than once or twice.

Naraku:  
Someone couldn't pay the price  
And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals  
Yes, I've had the odd complaint  
But on the whole I've been a saint  
To those poor unfortunate souls Now, here's the deal. I will make you a potion that will turn you into a human for five days.

Galahad: Three, sir!

Naraku: Three. Got that? Five days.

Galahad: Three, sir!

Naraku: Three. Now listen, this is important. Before the sun sets on the fifth day-

Galahad: Third, sir.

Naraku: Third. You've got to get dear ol' princey to fall in love with you. That is, he's got to kiss you.

Sango: What if he loves me but doesn't kiss me? 

Kagura: You know that MIROKU is Eric, right?

Sango: Oh yeah. -pause- What if he kisses me but doesn't love me?

Kagura: THAT'S more realistic.

Naraku: Ah-hah! Not just any kiss-the kiss of true love.

Sango: And how will you KNOW if it's the kiss of true love or not? Do you have 'kisses of true love or not' DETECTORS?

Naraku: Shut up. If he does kiss you before the sun sets on the fifth day-

Galahad: THIRD, sir.

Naraku: Third. You'll remain human, permanently, but if he doesn't, you turn back into a mermaid, and you belong to me.

Miroku: She does NOT belong to you, thankyouverymuch.

Naraku: Well, not YET.

Miroku: Or EVER.

Naraku: -grins suggestively- Would YOU like to replace her?

Miroku: EW. -shoves Sango at him- Take her.

Sango: -.-; THAAAAAANNKS.

Miroku: Anytime. )

AN: That was a long chapter. And the third one I've posted in a day, mind you. I think you should reward me with...reviews. I love you all! )


End file.
